“Brent,” our anonymous writer, has plenty of stories to tell you – so make a weekly date with him in his column, “The Boy with the Rainbow Scarf.”
I’ve always considered myself to be like one of those Boy Next Door type of guy. The kind of guy that listens to his parents, takes good care of his siblings and pretty much an excellent student in school.
Never in my entire life, would I have ever imagined that I would have hit rock bottom… all because of some guy. After that one puff, it was all over for me. Sounds dramatic? Well i’m sure most of you who are actively doing this, would agree with me.
So I recently moved to KL because I got accepted to go to this particular university (Which I won’t name) in Kota Damansara. At first, it was scary i’ll admit. I don’t know anyone there and everyone seems to have their own clique’ already at this point which left me… friendless and alone most of the time.
It sucks! Imagine going to class, sitting all alone at some corner because everyone else had huddled up together. Those few months was pretty depressing. I started talking to my dildos in my room for companionship. (I know… sounds pretty pathetic and yet… turns you on huh?)
Then one day, I was eating alone somewhere around campus and I overheard (okay, i was eavesdropping) this couple of guys who I assumed is gay, talking about meeting their boyfriends through this app called Grindr. They then talked about some explicit stuff which i won’t disclose solely because it’s pretty graphic and I must say, those guys can surely take a pounding.
Intrigued with my new discovery, I immediately downloaded the app and oh my God, it was like I had just entered a candy shop! I’ve always been sexually active and by that, I mean I usually jerk off a lot. Where I come from, gay guys are pretty scarce so it’s like being the only rainbow coloured star in a sea of plain, boring rocks.
After a few months, I’ve been getting it on almost every week with different guys from every walk of life possible (I of course had protected sex everytime these guys would proclaim their love inside me) but then, this guy hit me up in that app.
This was where all my troubles began.
The chat started out as usual:
Me: What’s that?
Dude: Chem Fun
Me: Oh, I don’t know what’s that and i’m pretty scared to try that. Sounds dangerous.
Dude: No problem, we can just have normal fun
On that same night, he came over and I gotta admit, he was the best I’ve ever had. It was like he opened up the gates of heaven by spreading my legs apart.
He became my regular guy after that. After a few weeks, he kept on asking me to try this thing called Poppers, he told me it would “enhance” the bottom experience. I kept declining but he kept insisting so eventually, I cave in and tried it.
He was right though. It felt so good. The sex was more intense, it was almost as if I was on overdrive and that got me curious on the other substance that he’s been telling me about.
Soon after that, I got hooked. At the age of 19, I was hooked on all of these drugs and I couldn’t stop myself. Having sex without it would feel dull and boring. My life would feel empty.
I couldn’t focus on my studies nor did I even care to be honest. I was missing classes because I wanted to participate in his group sessions (yes, at this point of my life, I was even participating in group sex) as long as there’s drugs involve… I would be there.
For those who are still uncertain what Chemsex is, it’s basically having sex with Crystal Meth and it usually happens either one on one or with groups of other gay guys.
I got hooked on meth. I told myself that I have everything under control but my body disagreed. Whenever i’m not on it, my body would shiver and I would act erratically. From the guy next door to the now, drug addict.
How did this happen to me? What triggered me to go on this path? Was it because of my loneliness? Was it because I allowed myself to be persuaded by the guy? Was it because of that guy who kept pressuring me to try it?
I failed my exams, missed a lot of classes… the university had me drop out because of this. I don’t blame them for doing so honestly. My parents still think I go to university, my father still sends me money every month.
I just don’t know what to tell them. That they’re only son got kicked out from university and is now a drug addict? That they’ve been wasting their hard earned money from farming for me to continue buying drugs?
I need help but I don’t know what to do or where to go. I’m writing this because I am actually seeking help.